A little humour

From:         ABrowne@mtl.marconi.ca (Alan Browne)
Organization: Canadian Marconi Company
Date:         22 Jun 96 18:30:39 
Followups:    1
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 Darwin Award

     Last year's Darwin Award was given to a man crushed to death by a Coke
     machine from which he was attempting to yank a free soda. ( The
     Darwins go to the people who do the gene pool the biggest favor by
     killing themselves in an extraordinary and stupid way).

Front runner this year:

     Mystery owner of a jet-propelled Chevy Impala. The Arizona Highway
     Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a
     cliff rising above the road at the crest of a curve. Wreckage
     resembled that at an airplane crash, but it was a car--make and model
     unidentifiable at the scene.

     A lab figured out the story. It seems the driver had somehow gotten
     hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off--actually a solid fuel
     rocket) that's used to give heavy military transport planes an extra
     "push" taking off from short airfields.

     He drove his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long,
     straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car,
     jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the jet device. The cops
     calculate that the driver of the car...hit JATO ignition at a distance
     of about 3 miles from the crash site. Ashphalt was scorched and melted
     there.

     Reaching maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach
     speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an
     additional 20-25 seconds, the driver, soon to be pilot, most likely
     would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting
     F-14 jocks under full afterburners, basically causing him to become
     insignificant for the rest of the event.

     Remained on the highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the
     driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and
     leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface.

     Became airborne for an additional 1.4 miles, impacting the cliff face
     at a height of 125 feet and leaving a black crater three feet deep in
     the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however,
     small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater
     and fingernail shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to
     be a portion of the steering wheel.